Neal Flies out to CA to Eulogize Grandma Barnette

Hours upon returning home from our recent camping trip, Neal boarded a California bound airplane to join his mother, sister, and family following the loss of his maternal grandmother, Ionne.  Neal was asked by his mother to eulogize Grandma, Ionne Barnette. 

Neal and his sister, Kira, shared stories collected by the family.  Following are the stories and impressions that were told in her eulogy.

Kira (granddaughter): Ionne was my grandmother.  She provided for her family and loved them unconditionally. She was very  proud of her children and and all that they had become. I feel her true calling came when she became a grandma. Her pride and joy was her grandchildren. You can ask any one of us and we will tell you just how spoiled we were. The gifts, the kisses, the hugs, the love; none of these can be measured.

Grandma was one of 2 people who were allowed to hold me when I was a baby. Being her first granddaughter, we always had a special bond. This bond remained strong until her death. Sure we had our problems, like when I realized I was allergic to her. Luckily, it turned out to be just her perfume. I remember I was so proud the day I could say I was taller than grandma. She had a beehive hairdo at the time. I said "look grandma, I'm taller than you". Her response was simple, "not until you're taller than the hair". We've had several laughs about this over the years.

My grandma could always laugh. Her smile would light up a room. I will never forget that smile. Even the last time I saw her and she didn't know who I was, I could still make her smile. You can choose what you want to remember about a person. I choose to remember her smile, her hugs, her laughter. When I close me eyes I see her smiling face. That memory makes me smile. The thought that I will see her again in Heaven makes me smile. All my chosen memories make me smile.

My mom once described my grandma as a strong woman who she greatly admired. Being a know it all teenager, I simply rolled my eyes.  As I grew into an adult I became more aware of who she was as a person. The hurts she had suffered as well as the joys in her life  My grandma had the biggest heart which was overflowing with love. She had an amazing sense of humor and we would often laugh for hours. Over the years our relationship shifted from that of grandma/granddaughter to that of friendship. We talked about everything and we talked about nothing.  I am proud to say that Grandma was one of my best friends.

Susan (daughter): She loved giving gifts. She would often give me things just because. Mom loved hercut flowers. These were a constant in her house. She denied herself many things but her hair was always done and you would never find her without her lipstick on.

Bradley (son): Obviously my memories of my mother  are endless!! But, some that I think showed her love and sacrifice for her family are the following.

I remember every year before school began, birthdays, or Christmas time - we always had exactly what we asked for (new surfboards, bicycles, skateboards) and she would go without. Even when you thought you'd opened every present, she would pull out an extra present and lived seeing the smile on your face.

She would never go shopping for herself. She was truly a saver and taught me so much about managing finances.

Also, no matter what kind of trouble Eric or I would get into she was always there to support us and take in any of our friends. All the friends called her Mom and were always welcome anytime day or night!! She will be missed by all that had the pleasure of knowing her!

Saunjia (daughter-in-law): Saunjia recalls Christmas shopping with Ionne. Once at the store, Ionne would have the clerk get her a chair. She would sit and tell me where to go to get her the things she wanted. She would often send me back for a different box or a different color item.

Royce (daughter-in-law): I have many stories from the past 35 years but I think what I want to be told most are the lessons of life that I learned from her. She taught me how to be a strong woman especially when your partner in life is taken away and you are forced to push forward alone. She also taught me how to be a strong single mom and to stand up for the needs of my children. She truly adored her children as I do all of mine.

Neal (grandson): We would go driving around on Christmas Eve looking for Rudolf. Grandma would sit in the passenger seat and point out potential sightings. We claimed to have really seen it but now think perhaps it was just an airplane. Upon returning home to our parents, we always seemed to miss Santa's coming but were always excited to see the presents he had left.

Keri (granddaughter-in-law): She was very generous in so many different ways. Despite any hardship or trials she had, she always offered her support and encouragement. It didn't matter if she knew all the details or not. If it was something you were excited about, then she was excited for you too.

She loved her family for sure. She served them in innumerous ways. Raising her babies, attending birthdays and graduations, forgiving mistakes, sharing her stories with us...Boy she was a good story teller!

She seemed to live true to what she knew. She had her opinions and wasn't afraid to voice them. She had integrity.

Perhaps because she felt like an outsider at several times in her life, she certainly made an effort to be inclusive of others. She was warm and friendly, inviting, affectionate, and was genuine in the love she gave others.

Waymon (grandson): “I flew to CA in 2010 to see my grandma before her dementia got any worse. We hadn't seen her in 10 years and didn't have very high expectations of her remembering Josh and I, but her mind was still sharper then what we expected. On the last day were were there Josh and I went and visited her by ourselves. On that days without us prompting her, she remembered both of us and would not stop smiling. It was the most uplifting feeling. We only had my phone with us but we took as many pictures as we could. I miss you grandma, and I'll always cherish the time we spent together. 

​​​​​​​​Sheena (granddaughter): How can you only pick one memory out of 26 years full of phenomenal memories of a wonderful woman. From playing dress up in her clothes and running around in her slippers to sitting around listening to stories of her growing up. My Grandma was always there with an open heart, a warm hug and a witty mind. I’ve learned many lessons from my Grandma and one of those was how to be an independent, strong and honest lady. My Grandmother will always be a major part of my life and a wonderful role model.

Ian (grandson): I remember when I was younger, I would go to Grandma’s house, and at the time the style of clothing was to have a belt so big it would hang down about a foot from the buckle. I would walk into grandma’s house and the first thing she would do is grab a hold of the dangling belt and she would tug and swing my belt until I would agree not to wear such a horrible looking belt.

As a young man I would spend lots of time at the beach, with Grandma living so close to the beach I was able to stop by and see her at least once a week if not more. She was always ready for my visits sometimes it would be just me sometimes I would have a friend or two, but one thing was for certain she was ready to talk and ready to shove more food and soda down our throats. I miss our visits and I miss you, and thank you for loving me. I love you.

Neal finished with the following: When asked what she wanted to be remembered for she shared that she was proud of raising her children, especially after Wayne had passed away. It was difficult and a pleasure all at once. She took life one day at a time, took in extra work to make ends meet, and did as best as she could to raise her four wonderful children into four wonderful adults. She was grateful to the many people who had helped her fulfill her role, in both small and large ways.

The most important things she wanted to impress upon her children and descendants were moral standards. Ionne also held that good parenting was important. Parents should give all the energy it takes to care for their children. The family and children should come first before all the other demands the world places on you. She believed that integrity was an important characteristic to develop and keep. Ionne wanted to advise her offspring that developing sound character and taking care of one’s spouse and children should be followed by being good to others. Not only will one be generally well liked, but she counseled that when one is good to others, one gets goodness in return.

When asked what her biggest regret was, Ionne, who has always enjoyed a good laugh, joked that she regretted never being a millionaire! Whatever she may have lacked in money, Ionne lived a rich life.

Our grandma took the cards that were dealt to her and played them well. She did the best she could with the life that God gave her.

"The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong. Actually, the prize belongs to him or her, who endures to the end." --T. Monson. She endured it well.

On her 80th Birthday.  Four generations!

Neal had a great time seeing all the family that came in for the memorial.  While in California, he also visited with his dad's side of the family, splurged on Indonesian food and a Tommy's burger, and tried to be a handyman at his mom's place.  

At the end of his visit, he and Kira helped their mom as best they could as she had a planned surgery.  He arrived back home exhausted but happy.