Dad Passes Away

 Dad started a steady decline when Mom went in the hospital for her heart attack. With a fairly quick decline starting after Christmas. I'm glad I helped Dad and said goodbye when I visited in October and November. I said that I loved him over the phone and decided to come out once he'd passed to help mom, encouraging her to use the available help we'd set her up with when I was there earlier. She really struggled with knowing when and how much help to let in as his decline was quick. Dad was not really eating, drinking, or talking so we got our tickets. Dad passed away from pancreatic cancer that night on 25 January 2021 with mom by him. Jolene came in to be with mom while hospice took care of removing Dad. 

Neal and I showed up the next day. We spent 10 days there. We removed the house of his things and spent hours and hours taking care of the clerical changes that come with a death. Jolene juggled her family and helping as well. I spent an entire Sunday going through all the genealogy stuff Dad had from grandma and his sister, that he had moved from California about a decade prior. So many photos and memorabilia. We only got out twice. Once to Port Townsend to walk the beach where I clearly saw bald eagles for the first time. The other day was to spread Dad's ashes and sight see. 

We spread Dad's ashes near the Olympic National Forest where he wished them to be. Mom shed a few quiet tears and was pleased we did it the way he would have wanted. We visited a favorite bridge he liked called descriptively enough as High Steel Bridge. We also visited Rocky Brook Falls. While driving we saw two large bobs of seals along the coast, a bald eagle, and a herd of elk. We ended the day having dinner from Panda Express so basically the exact way dad would have had it. 

I had a pow wow with mom about living with us. I communicated my desire to have her around us and the kids, my belief that a team around her was the best way to help her live a healthy and longer life, and that though she had taken care of her diabetes to this point, it was not humanly possible to be perfect 100 percent of the time. She communicated that she'd had a good life, she'd do her best to visit, and that she wanted to live alone. That this is what she wanted and that I needed to let go of my fear. We compromised by having her monitor alert us when her blood sugar levels were too low. I have her police department on speed dial in case Jolene is unable to intervene in her behalf.  So certainly not ideal in my book but mom is living the life she wants to and that part make me happy.

We are super grateful for the support family showed us--Oma and Opa giving up their lives for two weeks to take care of the kids, since they attend school online. Kira for her helpful information about dad's decline. David for jokes he texted to keep us smiling and lightening the mood for my mom when we shared them.